if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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