the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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