I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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