We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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