Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
