I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Alive.
So much puke
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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