so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
