youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this will be a night to untag.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
