my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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