i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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