the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
