I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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