did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
