I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
