I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
