actually, I'm a sock model
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
