I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
sex in a hospital.. check
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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