dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
