In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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