butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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