I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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