I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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