well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
