no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dignity is for republicans.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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