So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
