it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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