it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize