Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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