it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
