I heard we made out
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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