You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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