3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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