So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
