So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize