She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you never un-have a 4some
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
