she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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