Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
