you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
