He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Bring me that man meat
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