Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
