We named our party play list daddy issues
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
