Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
