im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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