shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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