I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
