I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
