so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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