i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
