She's JV to your varsity
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
