Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
