Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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