Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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