Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
