So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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