shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
