Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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