Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
