Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
