What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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