My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
