dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
