Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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