im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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