Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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