remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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