dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize